notnadia / inothernews / ipsadixit / inothernews / synecdoche:
what if i make t-shirts for my nonexistent band
OBSCENE GERUND AWESOME.
DON’T FORGET THE CONSTANT INTERRUPTIONS OF CONVERSATIONS AND SAYING OTHER PEOPLE’S NAMES REPETITIVELY.
DONNA: Josh.
JOSH: Yeah?
DONNA: I want your band t-shirt.
JOSH (annoyed): What? No.
DONNA: It would look better on me.
JOSH: No.
DONNA: It would. You know it.
JOSH: Sam!
DONNA: I like band shirts. I still have my The Who from when they played Wembley.
JOSH (mockingly): “My The Who”?
DONNA: Definite article.
JOSH: “My Who t-shirt” is fine.
DONNA: It’s not.
JOSH: Donna —
DONNA: It’s really not, Josh. The “the” is important.
JOSH (pleading): Sam!
DONNA: If the noun calls for a “the,” you should say “the.” Like, “THE Philippines.” “Made in THE U.S.A.” “THE West Wing.”
JOSH (gets up, starts walking out office): Funny. But you can’t have my shirt.
DONNA (pouting): Please?
JOSH: I wear a small.
DONNA: So do I.
JOSH (exasperated): An extra small.
DONNA: Well that’s why I like you. I like my men… petite.
JOSH (irked): I greatly dislike you right now. SAM!!!
SAM (out of nowhere): He really is petite.
DONNA: I know! It’s cute. Makes it easier to cuddle with him.
SAM: Ew.
DONNA: Him being petite and all.
JOSH: Now you definitely can’t have my shirt. And you — (TURNS TO SAM) — eat my shorts.
SAM (to DONNA): Petite and kinky.
DONNA: That’s hot.
(JOSH leaves, frustrated.)CJ (interrupts): Josh, is Donna half naked in your office right now?
JOSH: No.
SAM: Yes.
CJ: ”Donna is but isn’t half-naked in Josh’s office right now?”
JOSH: Yes. I don’t know. What was the question?
CJ: JOSHUA-
JOSH: It got lost! In the… thing. Sam knows.
SAM: Yes.
CJ: The thing?
SAM: Absolutely.
CJ: It got lost.
JOSH: Yes.
CJ: In the thing.
SAM: That’s as much as I know so far.
CJ: You’re just repeating words right now.
JOSH: No chance of that.
CJ: You’re repeating words. A hundred thousand immigrants are dying in this foreign country we invented because we can’t actually say the real one but it is totally analogous to our current socio-economical situation, and you are talking about A BAND T-SHIRT?
SAM: Possibly. Absolutely.
CJ: I work with morons.
JOSH: You don’t actually, we drafted the language for the-
CJ: ARE YOU STILL TALKING.
I would absolutely watch this episode.
